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Author Topic: Funny, Joke thread  (Read 41400 times)

Bretto

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2008, 10:40:53 AM »

Two really mean bikers go into a pub for lunch one day, they start picking on this old truckie giving him all sorts of trouble, one of the bikers takes his lunch and eats it and the other takes his drink, this goes on for about 1/2 an hour with out the truckie saying a word, he then gets up and leaves, the two bikers have a laugh to each other and one says out loud to eveyone in the bar "He's not much of a man couldnt take a litte joke", the barmaid looks up and says "He's not much of a truck driver either, he just backed over two bikes".
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HyoSilverState

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2008, 06:32:36 AM »

A guy walks into a bar..He see's what looks like George W Bush and Dick Cheney at the bar talking. he walks over and says to them...Mr President and Vice president it is an honor to meet you.   What the hell you doing in this bar? President Bush says we are here planning world war 3...Wow he says what you going to do?  Bush says the the are planning to kill 143 million muslims and one blond with big tits and a tight ass......Why are you going to kill the blond? President Bush leans over to the vice president and says ...See I told you they don't give a shit about the muslims......
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Current Bikes Owned 1993 Suzuki DR 125, 1973 SX 125 Harley, 1971 Kawasaki G4TR 100, 2006 GT 250 Hyosung, 2006 ZX14 kawasaki.1989 SDR 200 Yamaha. On my wish list a 2011 maico SM700

newbymick

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2008, 10:21:30 AM »

A guy in a bar - flash type, greased back hair, black shirt open at the neck, big medallion, patent leather shoes - you know the type (Hmmmm sounds like Hyosilver on a night out) slides up a chick and says "If I can tell you what colour underwear your wearing can I buy you a drink".  

"Sure", says the chick not expecting to get her 3rd Marguerite of the night.

Looking down at his shoe the guy says "Blue French knickers with white lace trim"

"Wow" thats amazing, try it on my girl friend here" she exclaims excitedly.

"Oh she's wearing red high thigh with pink lace - Victoria's secret I believe"

"That's amazing" she screams "now try Big Shirley"

"OK" he says.  He slides up to Shirley and tries the same line.  "OK" says Shirley, demanding a jug of beer if he can, but if he can't she demands a steak dinner and a night of passion.

Easy, thinks the guy.  Looking down, the guy take a good long look, looks again and then looks up with a worried look on his face.

"See anything you like " says Shirley "Because I'm not wearing anything".

"Thank **** for that" he says "I thought I'd split my shoe open"
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HyoSilverState

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2008, 05:04:34 AM »

ROFLMAO !!!
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Current Bikes Owned 1993 Suzuki DR 125, 1973 SX 125 Harley, 1971 Kawasaki G4TR 100, 2006 GT 250 Hyosung, 2006 ZX14 kawasaki.1989 SDR 200 Yamaha. On my wish list a 2011 maico SM700

stiggy

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2008, 03:28:52 PM »

dumb ass american 911 calls :lol:
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

stiggy

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #15 on: May 01, 2008, 03:34:16 PM »

3 Old Guys

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

stiggy

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #16 on: May 01, 2008, 03:36:16 PM »

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you're going?"

She said, "well I'm going home too, surely you can't expect me to work in the dark!"
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

stiggy

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #17 on: May 01, 2008, 03:38:40 PM »

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

“To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.”

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

“My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students, who is also on the tennis team. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.”
 :lol:  8)
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

stiggy

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #18 on: May 01, 2008, 03:45:27 PM »

A man decides to have a party and invites lots of people,
telling them to bring their friends. On the invitation
he puts "Theme Party Come as a Human Emotion".

On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and
he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint
with the letters N and V painted on his chest. He says
to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you
come as?" and the guy says, "I'm green with envy." The
host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host
opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body
stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate
parts. He says to this woman, "Wow, great outfit, what
emotion have you come as?" And she replies, "I'm tickled
pink." The host says, "I love it, come on in and join
the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the
third time, and the host opens the door to see two guys
from Jamaica, stark naked, one with his penis stuck
in a bowl of custard and the other with his penis stuck
in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "Guys,
what the fook are you doing? What
emotion is this supposed to be?" The first guy replies,
"Well, I'm fookin' disgusted, and my friend here has
cum in despair."!
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

stiggy

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Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #19 on: May 01, 2008, 03:51:42 PM »

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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

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