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Author Topic: Funny, Joke thread  (Read 42224 times)

Burninator_Ko

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #220 on: September 18, 2012, 12:22:07 PM »

Why can't all the Hedgehogs just share their hedges?
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CrazyChris

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #221 on: September 19, 2012, 07:08:45 PM »

Here is a riddle for you guys.

Lying in bed with the perfect girl on one side and a gay man on the other, who will you turn your back to?
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I only ride as fast as my guardian angel can fly and she is damn fast

SilverEagle

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #222 on: October 31, 2012, 01:56:33 AM »

got two to share:

1. A penguin takes his bike into the local motorcycle shop after it cuts out on him while riding to town.  He goes in and asks the mechanic to look it over and let him know what is wrong with it.  The mechanic tells him it will be about an hour so the penguin, being a creature of the North by nature, decides to find a cool refreshing snack while he waits.  He spots a local ice cream parlor across the street and goes in to enjoy a double-scoop cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla.  Now, as any smart individual knows, penguins have flippers, and they are not the greatest for holding a waffle cone, so he manages to get some of the ice cream all over his beak and face before he waddles back across the street to check in with the mechanic.  The penguin asks the mechanic if he knows what happened to his bike, and the mechanic looks up and says "well, it looks like you blew a seal!"  The penguin wipes hs beak and says, "Nope, just a little ice cream..."


2. Two lawyers are stranded on a desert island, and only have one small coconut tree and themselves for company.  Each day they take turns climbing the tree to pull off one coconut and look all the way around the island for any hope of rescue or anything.  One day one of the lawyers yells out that he sees something floating on the water towards the island.  The two run back and forth across the meager beachfront, and finally the body of a beautiful woman floats ashore.  The two lawyers pull her from the water to find her unconscious and completely naked.  As the two stand there staring, one asks "d-d-do you think we should... you know... screw her?"  The other one looks at him and says "Out of what?"

shaun
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Tomorrow writes its' own fate today.

Warpedone

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #223 on: November 30, 2012, 04:44:04 AM »

Here is a riddle for you guys.

Lying in bed with the perfect girl on one side and a gay man on the other, who will you turn your back to?

Damn you!!!!!
Either get bummer or get f**ked off. Sod it either way you will get f**cked. Have a ball and do both.
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Ride hard, Live fast
Ride the Dragon, Slay the mule,
Live to ride, Crash to die,
Ben and Jade July 2009

ChevronBaz

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #224 on: June 26, 2016, 01:23:17 PM »

So, In a crowd... Somebody yells out, in an urgent voice.  " Does anybody know CPR."  A bloke yells back, "Yeah, me, I know ALL of the alphabet.!"   There were great hoots of laughter from the crowd.. well, except from one person that is.................................
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humanballistics

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #225 on: June 30, 2016, 07:15:47 AM »

So this duck walks into a deli and asks for a ham and salad sandwich and an orange juice. The guy just stares at him. The duck asks again and the guy says "of course sorry..i just dont get many talking ducks in here." The duck just waits while the guy keeps staring and eventually says "sandwich?" "Oh of course it'll b out shortly"
When he delivers the sandwich the duck thanks him and goes back to reading the paper. This happens for a week with the duck coming from the construction site across the road every day and asking ordering the same thing.
One afternoon after the duck has gone a slick looking guy comss in and introduces hinself as a representative of a circus scouting for talent. He asks if the guy knows anyone with special talents. The guy immediately asks "how about a talking duck?" "Exactly the sort of thing i need. Can u give him my card? There is a handsome finders fee." Asks the man. "Of course"  says the guy "he should b in tomorrow."
The next day the duck walks in as usual and the guy says" a man from the circus came in yesterday and asked me to give u his card if ur looking for work. He says u have the exact skills he needs."
The duck looks at him confused and says "well this job is almost finished...but circus u say? With tents?" "Yeah, and clowns and stuff" says the guy
" and trucks and tents?" Asks the duck. "Yeah, is there a problem?"
"Nah not exactly...just trying to work out what they'd need a plasterer for.."

sent using tapatalk on my magic oblong.

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mrcrum

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Re: Funny, Joke thread
« Reply #226 on: August 17, 2017, 11:27:15 PM »

A cowboy rides up to a saloon, gets off his horse, walks behind it and kisses it on the butt.  When he sits down at the bar the bartender asks him why he did it.  He replied "I have chapped lips".  The bartender said "I never heard of that as a cure for chapped lips".  The cowboy says "it's not a cure but it keeps me from licking them".
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