got two to share:
1. A penguin takes his bike into the local motorcycle shop after it cuts out on him while riding to town. He goes in and asks the mechanic to look it over and let him know what is wrong with it. The mechanic tells him it will be about an hour so the penguin, being a creature of the North by nature, decides to find a cool refreshing snack while he waits. He spots a local ice cream parlor across the street and goes in to enjoy a double-scoop cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Now, as any smart individual knows, penguins have flippers, and they are not the greatest for holding a waffle cone, so he manages to get some of the ice cream all over his beak and face before he waddles back across the street to check in with the mechanic. The penguin asks the mechanic if he knows what happened to his bike, and the mechanic looks up and says "well, it looks like you blew a seal!" The penguin wipes hs beak and says, "Nope, just a little ice cream..."
2. Two lawyers are stranded on a desert island, and only have one small coconut tree and themselves for company. Each day they take turns climbing the tree to pull off one coconut and look all the way around the island for any hope of rescue or anything. One day one of the lawyers yells out that he sees something floating on the water towards the island. The two run back and forth across the meager beachfront, and finally the body of a beautiful woman floats ashore. The two lawyers pull her from the water to find her unconscious and completely naked. As the two stand there staring, one asks "d-d-do you think we should... you know... screw her?" The other one looks at him and says "Out of what?"